I finally decided to treat myself and spent $6,500 on a registered Black Angus bull, expecting him to be the Romeo of the ranch. Instead, he walked into the field, found the freshest patch of grass, and acted like the cows were invisible. I started wondering if I had accidentally bought a very expensive lawn mower.

After watching this four-legged vegetarian ignore every romantic opportunity, I called the vet. He checked the bull over and smiled, saying he was perfectly healthy, “but possibly just a little young.” His miracle solution? One mysterious pill a day.

Two days later, the bull transformed into the hardest-working employee on the farm. He didn’t just “service the cows”—he serviced all my cows! Then, apparently deciding overtime pay was unnecessary, he smashed through the fence and introduced himself to every cow the neighbors owned too.

Now he’s unstoppable, roaming around like a furry action hero with absolutely no respect for property lines or personal boundaries. The neighbors are impressed, confused, and probably updating their fences.

I still have no clue what the vet put in those pills, but I can confirm one thing: “He’s like a machine!” And while I’m no scientist, I may have accidentally solved the mystery because “they kind of taste like peppermint.” I’m not saying they work miracles… but I’m also not leaving them unattended around the goats.